I met my last boyfriend at an amateur wrestling show in a goth dive bar in Hollywood. You may ask, "Taylyn, what are you, a girly girl, doing at an amateur wrestling gig in a Hollywood dive bar?" Great question. I was actually a huge fan of WWE as a young girl, and my very first celebrity crush was The Rock, before he preferred to be called Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. I didn't go to this nasty dive bar hoping to find a boyfriend. I just wanted to see some silly, highly choreographed fun for $5.
I was sipping on a $7 Pabst Blue Ribbon when I caught the attention of a man who would eventually become my beau. He was a well-built, hazel-eyed professional wrestler from Charleston, South Carolina, who happened to be at the same bar supporting his mentee in the show. He asked, "What's a little lady like you doing in a place like this, drinking a beer like that?" I gave him the honest answer, and he seemed smitten. We dated for half a year before I realized his touring schedule was too much for our relationship, and I had to cut him loose. Though it didn't work out, I'm still grateful I decided to appease my inner child for one night and have fun, without any men in mind.
As an LA transplant with few local friends, I've gotten used to doing a lot of activities alone: hiking, going to bars, and taking myself to breakfast to people-watch. I've met some of my closest friends and had fun dates along the way. If the idea of stepping out on your own scares you, you shouldn't have to wonder why you're lonely.
Meeting new people requires not only vulnerability but curiosity. If you're at a bar alone, don't feel self-conscious. Bring a book if you're not ready to talk. Or, if you are, start small. Ask the bartender or a cool stranger next to you, "What's the most popular drink?" or "Wow, that looks so good. What drink is that?" Then introduce yourself. Get out of your own head and ask questions about the other person. "What brought you here?" "What are some fun things to do around town?" Genuine connections start where your own self-interest ends.
Using this method, I've met some very fun fellows: a high-powered lawyer who noticed I was reading an Edith Wharton novel and a moody rock star who admired my boldness to step out alone. I turned my outings into a sort of dating anthropology, kind of like Carrie Bradshaw. I don't go out looking for men, but my natural curiosity about others (which probably comes from my years as a journalist) makes it easier to put myself out there and "cold call" in real life.
Though I'm currently on a dating hiatus, I've learned there's a huge difference between the kinds of guys I've met in real life and those I've met on dating apps or through Instagram DMs.
These guys tend to be more outgoing and confident. They're not afraid to talk to a woman in person and don't seem to fear rejection nearly as much. They're putting themselves out there just as much as you are.
These guys tend to be more honest about what they want. Whether they're looking for a serious relationship or just someone to have fun with, they're upfront about it. And that's where you should be honest about what you're looking for, too. If you're looking for a fun situationship or an actual serious connection, let them know. If it's a mismatch, that's not your person, nor is it your job to convince them to want something else.
These guys tend to have lifestyles similar to yours. While I firmly believe dating apps tend to introduce us to people we were never meant to meet, meeting people in the wild naturally sets us up to meet folks we're more likely to be compatible with. Though I don't usually spend my time in dive bars, I met someone I was able to bond with over a shared interest in wrestling.
Whether I decide to try the apps again in the future is iffy, but I prefer to meet people while I'm out living life. I want my future partner to fit into the life I've already created rather than trying to force someone new to conform to a lifestyle they may not be into. It doesn't take endless singles events to find your person. It starts with having an interesting life of your own and being genuinely curious about the lives of others. The goal is fun and connection, not just finding a boyfriend.