As a little girl, I knew I was a bit different from other kids. I was a solid student, but maintaining my focus was an uphill battle. I’d rush through instructions, anxious for the teacher to get to the point before I mentally lost my place. I had the instructions down pat until another random thought crossed my mind.
ADHD, or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, is a condition that can affect attention, impulse control and activity levels. As a quiet kid who did well in school, ADHD was never something my mother or I considered I could have. She would actually brag about how well she taught me to focus, which I thought was just something all kids needed to work on.
I powered through years of school and even graduated with honors from my university, but ADHD was never on my radar. I spent hours on schoolwork because I procrastinated between assignments and pulled hundreds of all-nighters to maintain my 3.4 GPA. That eventually transitioned into working late or over the weekends to keep up with my high-powered editing career. I drank coffee like water and experienced years of sleep disturbances, thinking this was simply the cost of being successful.
I shared my experiences with my then-therapist, who was also a psychiatrist (my thera-doctor, if you will), and she initially speculated that I simply had depression. Sadness and lack of motivation were one thing, but complete inattention felt like another.
When I could no longer sit still long enough to watch a movie with my then-boyfriend, I knew something had to be done. That was the little time we had together after our long workdays, and he expressed that I was hurting him by fidgeting, looking at my phone or, worse, falling asleep after my brain had been going a mile a minute all day.
After I shared this with my therapist and revealed that I drank upwards of five to six espressos a day, she sent me an ADHD assessment. After hesitating and, of course, procrastinating on taking it before our next session, my thera-doctor shared that I exhibited mild symptoms consistent with ADHD.
At 26 years old, the way I viewed my entire life before that moment completely changed. All those years of long nights, frustration and never feeling fully present suddenly made sense.
“ADHD looks different in women than in men,” says Dr. Marqueta Abraham, DNP, a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner and owner of CLR Mind Psychiatry. “Women tend to show more of the inattentive side, while men tend to show more of the hyperactive side. That's a notable difference between the two.”
According to Dr. Abraham, other ways ADHD can show up in women include excessive daydreaming and procrastination that interfere with daily life, including working, cooking or cleaning.
Now, at 31, I don’t believe I’ve ever told my family about my ADHD diagnosis until now. Discussing mental health, especially potential disorders, tends to be taboo in the Black community. I mused with Dr. Abraham, who is also Black, about how we tend to avoid the issue.
“Growing up in the Black community, we were often told, ‘Just pray about it, and it'll go away,’” she says. “But I always tell my clients—and people in general—that the Bible also says you're supposed to take action. Faith without works is dead. If you're not doing anything about it, those symptoms won't improve.”
Being highly functioning with ADHD did not mean my life was easier. I was just really good at managing and masking my symptoms.
I wrote down everything in a datebook and created Google Calendar blocks so I’d never lose track of an important event or birthday. I left the house 15 to 30 minutes early because I would surely be late if I left on my own time. Meanwhile, my apartment looked like a tornado because I would get distracted while cleaning, and I would sometimes wake up feeling faint because I’d forgotten to eat dinner.
Dr. Abraham resonated with my experience. “I just pushed through, because that's what we as Black women do—or women in general. We compensate for whatever is happening instead of actually addressing it.”
There is more research to be done on how ADHD manifests in women compared to men, and our symptoms can commonly be mistaken for anxiety or depression, which in my case, I’m still unsure of.
“[ADHD, depression and anxiety] diagnoses can overlap with each other, but there are significant differences that help clarify which one it actually is,” adds Dr. Abraham. With depressive symptoms that may resemble ADHD, for example, a person may procrastinate. But someone experiencing depression may also withdraw from other people or stop going to work.
In the past, ADHD was stereotyped as a condition for young boys, leading to many boys being overdiagnosed and young girls going undiagnosed, which is possibly my case. Young girls with my symptoms are just labeled as forgetful or spacey.
While a diagnosis answered a lot of questions I had about my past, I refuse to think of it as another hurdle to tackle. Instead, I’ve learned to recognize the strengths that can come with the way my brain works.
I’m extremely thorough as a writer and editor, scanning my work multiple times to make sure there are no run-on sentences or misplaced points where my brain may have rambled. I put extra effort into remembering the important details about the people I care about. I’m capable of taking on multiple projects while making time to devote quality attention to each one. My energy has also led me to countless hobbies and interests, allowing me to dip my toe into new experiences and gain new friends and lessons along the way.
If you’re curious about whether you may have ADHD, Dr. Abraham encourages seeking out a professional rather than self-diagnosing.
“A psychiatric nurse practitioner, a psychiatrist, a therapist, or a psychologist can all conduct the testing and diagnosis needed to determine whether you have ADHD. That testing typically involves a series of questions answered by you, along with a family member, friend, or coworker.”
While there’s no known cure for ADHD, working with therapists and medical professionals who truly see me has been a game-changer in reducing the stress-related tears and anger.
If you’re a fellow high-functioning woman who seems to get everything yet nothing done, asking for help can be one small step toward reducing some of that overload.