There are certain decisions you should never make alone.
Should I quit my job?
Should I move?
Should I download Hinge again?
Should I send “hey stranger” to a man who has demonstrated absolutely no interest in being found?
Before I do anything remotely consequential, I consult the board.
No, not my financial advisor. Not a therapist. Not a career coach.
The group chat.
Every woman needs one. Preferably one containing at least one brutally honest friend, one friend who thinks everything is a red flag, one who thinks nothing is a red flag, and one who will respond within 14 seconds with, “DO NOT TEXT HIM!”
Together, they form the unofficial Board of Directors responsible for keeping me employed, emotionally stable, appropriately hydrated, and, most importantly, away from men who have earned a unanimous vote of no confidence.
Welcome to the Emergency Meeting
The group chat does not operate on business hours.
If you send “Guys. I need advice.” at 11:48 p.m., an emergency meeting is immediately called.
There will be no agenda. There will be screenshots. Lots of screenshots.
“Here’s what he said.”
“Wait, what did you say before that?”
“Send the screenshot.”
“No, the one before that.”
“Okay, now send his profile.”
This is not gossip. This is evidence collection.
The board requires the full chain of events before issuing a ruling. And God help you if you leave out an important detail.
“You forgot to mention that he canceled twice.”
“YOU DIDN’T SAY HE STILL LIVES WITH HIS EX.”
“Girl, this changes everything.”
Suddenly, what began as a casual question about whether you should respond to “lol” has become a 47-minute investigative hearing.
Everyone Has a Position
Every group chat has departments.
There’s legal counsel. She is not necessarily a lawyer, but she speaks with the confidence of one.
“Technically, he didn't lie.”
Pause.
“But he intentionally omitted information, which is basically lying with extra steps.”
Motion carried.
Then there’s HR. She specializes in workplace drama and has no problem telling you that your boss’s behavior is “not giving professional.”
She will help rewrite the email you were about to send so it sounds calm, mature, and nothing like your original draft:
“I am so sick of this place and if Kevin sends me one more passive-aggressive Slack message I will simply evaporate.”
The communications director handles texting. This woman has studied punctuation. She knows the difference between:
“Okay.”
“Okay!”
“Okay…”
“Okay lol”
And “k.”
The last one, obviously, is a declaration of war.
Then there’s the therapist. She asks thoughtful, deeply annoying questions.
“How did that make you feel?”
“What do you actually want?”
“Are you looking for closure, or are you looking for a reason to contact him?”
We hate her a little because she is usually right.
And finally, there is the chaos director.
Her only qualification is that she will always say, “Do it.”
She cannot be trusted with major decisions. She is, however, essential to the organization.
The Three-Word Text Message Hearing
Perhaps the board’s greatest area of expertise is analyzing texts.
A man sends:
“you up?”
The board convenes.
Timestamp: 11:56 p.m. Noted.
Punctuation: None. Suspicious.
Previous communication history: He disappeared for nine days. Extremely suspicious.
Has he made any attempt to take you on an actual date? No.
Case closed.
The verdict? Do not respond.
Someone will still ask, “But what if he actually likes me?”
Someone will say, “Girl.”
And the conversation will end.
This is friendship at its finest.est.
Career Decisions Require a Quorum
It isn't only men.
The group chat has helped women negotiate salaries, quit toxic jobs, apply to dream jobs, start businesses, move across the country, go back to school, and convince themselves that sending a follow-up email does not make them desperate.
“Should I apply?”
“Yes.”
“I don't have all the qualifications.”
“Apply.”
“They want five years of experience. I have three.”
“APPLY.”
The board may not understand the job market, but it believes in you aggressively. Sometimes that is more useful.
There is something powerful about having people who remember what you're capable of before you started doubting yourself.
You might look at a job description and think, “There’s no way.”
Your friends look at it and think, “She literally does all of this already.”
And suddenly the application is submitted.
The board has spoken.
Screenshots Are the Official Record
There should be a plaque somewhere recognizing the screenshot as one of the most important technological advancements of our time.
A screenshot removes denial.
“I never said that.”
Screenshot.
“I don't think he meant it that way.”
Screenshot.
“Oh.”
Exactly.
Screenshots allow the board to operate with facts rather than vibes. Although, admittedly, we still have vibes. A lot of vibes.
Sometimes the evidence is inconclusive, but everyone collectively decides the energy is weird.
Motion approved.
But Here's Why We Actually Need the Board
The funniest thing about the group chat is that most of the time, we already know what we should do.
We just need someone to say it back to us.
When you're upset, you can't always see the situation clearly. When you're excited, you can miss the obvious. When you're scared, every possible outcome feels catastrophic.
Your friends know this. More importantly, they know you.
They know when you're settling. They know when you're overthinking. They know when you're about to text someone you swore you were done with. And they know when you actually should go for it.
The group chat isn't always about getting permission. Sometimes it's just a place where your excitement, panic, heartbreak, ambition, confusion, and completely unnecessary 1:00 a.m. thoughts can exist without being edited into something reasonable.
You can say, “I think I want to quit my job and become a florist.”
Someone will say, “Okay, hear me out.”
You can say, “I think I'm in love with him.”
Someone will say, “Finally.”
You can say, “I want to cut bangs.”
Four people will immediately type, “NO.”
This is democracy.
Messy, loud, emotionally invested democracy.
Eventually, the group chat goes quiet. The emergency meeting ends. Everyone goes back to work, dinner, kids, errands, relationships, and whatever else is happening in their actual lives.
But you leave feeling a little less alone, a little more confident, and, ideally, with enough common sense not to text him.
The board may not have a headquarters, a payroll, or a formal voting process. But they have screenshots, opinions, and your back.
And if you ever forget your worth, they will absolutely remind you.
Usually in all caps.